I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
