I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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