Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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