he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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