I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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