best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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