Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
