According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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