so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
