I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
