Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
