mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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