As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
