pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
