you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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