were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
