I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
