I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We left an ass print on the piano.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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