It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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