so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
