I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
