Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
