he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
