he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
