I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
