Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
