a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
