the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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