you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
