The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
