who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
