Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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