seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize