You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need to stop coming to work sober
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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