true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
