we made out on top of his cat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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