the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
