I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
