Can i not drive my cunt home
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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