Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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