i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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