I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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