lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
