More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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