If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
