Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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