i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
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