A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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