She is in my trunk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
