Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
