You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
