I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
