I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
