The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
