i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
