This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
