I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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