is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We need to get me chipped asap
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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