If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
