There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
