so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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