Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
