Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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