I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
