my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
