peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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