that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
