She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
