U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
