If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
