No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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