Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
