So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
