just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
