What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
