Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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